It occurred to me (for reasons) that quarterback production this young season has been meh-to-godawful. Yes, you’ve got your Josh Allens (Dollz) and your Brock Purdies (Juice), who since 2022 have scored the third-most and sixth-most QB points in the first four weeks, respectively. (Technically, Juice’s points are a combined result, as he used Jared Goff in Week 1.)
Thurm and Juice’s QBs have outscored 63 others since 2022, and with them another five (Pain Train, Commodes, Hounds, Fartz and Buckguy) are getting above-average production across the first four weeks since then, too. (The average four-week tally since 2022 is 71.62 QB Points, or about 18 per game.)
Sounds good, or at least not meh. But what if I told you that two teams’ QBs have scored above 15 just once each, and one team has yet to see more than a 13-point game at the position? What if I told you that nine QBs this year have scored in single digits (or worse)? In fact, nearly half (43%) of all 2026 QB performances have been less than 15 points. In no other year have more than 36% of QBs scored under 15, and in two years it’s been 25%. That’s bad, right?
Is there a correlation between QB performance in the first four weeks and ultimate success (or lack thereof)? Probably not, but let’s look at it anyway.
From 2022 through 2025, 26 teams got above-average weekly production at the QB position in the first four weeks of the season. Of those 26 teams, 17 made the playoffs, or 65%. Of those 17, there were four champs, one runner-up, six losing semifinalists, and six losing quarterfinalists.
During the same period, 30 teams got below-average weekly production at QB in the first four weeks of the season. Of those 30, 15 made the playoffs, or 50%. And of those 15, there were no champs, three runners-up, two losing semifinalists and 10 losing quarterfinalists.
Let’s cross-reference teams’ records with QB play through the first four weeks:
- Of the four teams who were 4-0 at this point in the season, three had above-average QBs. All four made the playoffs — Heavy Flight in 2022 and 2023, Fartz in 2023 and Stooges in 2024 — and two made the Final: Flight was champ in 2023, and Stooges runner-up in 2024.
- Of the 12 teams who were 3-1 at this point, 10 made the playoffs. Of those 10, six had above-average QBs.
- Of the 22 teams who were 2-2 at this point, 15 made the playoffs. Of those 15, seven had above-average QBs.
- Of the 15 teams who were 1-3 at this point, three made the playoffs and just one of those had above-average QB play.
- Finally, of the three teams who were 0-4 at this point, none made the playoffs and none had above-average QB play.
Using those metrics/data/made-up mumbo jumbo, here’s how things might be shaping up this year:
Seven teams have above-average quarterbacking through four games. In order, they are Dollz, Juice, Pain Train, Commodes, Hounds, Fartz and Buckguys.
- Pain, Buckguys and Commodes are 3-1; the combo of early QB play and record put their playoff chances at 60%. (ESPN puts it closer to 80% for all three, and FantasyPros has them all at like 95%.)
- Fartz and Hounds are 2-2, and QB play/record puts their chances at about 47%. (ESPN puts Fartz at 59% and Hounds at 55%, while FantasyPros puts Fartz at 76% and Hounds at 51%.)
- Juice is 1-3 and QB play/record puts his chances at about 33%. (ESPN says 45% and FantasyPros says 49%.)
Which brings us to Dollz: 0-4 with the year’s best QB so far. Consider this team’s journey the past five seasons:
- In 2022, Dollz started 0-4 with a QB under-performing the league average by 8.39 ppg. Dollz missed the playoffs at 5-9.
- In 2023, Dollz started 0-4 with a QB under-performing the league average by 9.38 ppg. Dollz missed the playoffs at 5-9.
- In 2024, Dollz started 3-1 with a QB under-performing the league average by just 1.49 ppg. Dollz made the playoffs at 9-5, losing in the first round.
- In 2025, Dollz started 3-1 with a QB over-performing the league average by 4.40 ppg. Dollz made the playoffs at 9-5, losing in the semis.
- Now, in 2026, Dollz is 0-4 with a QB overperforming the league average by 11.36 ppg. A 2026 Dollz playoff appearance would be the first time in five years that a 0-4 team accomplished that. Commodes couldn’t pull it off in 2024, nor could Thurm himself in 2022 and 2023. But he didn’t have Josh Allen those years.
This just in:
The Kids Kicked our Butt
The Draft grades are in, and the youngest among us sit one-two-three atop the rankings. Pain Train, Straight Outta The Commode and Hounds earned the highest accolades from grades aggregated from ESPN, FootballGuys (FG) and FantasyPros (FP). At the bottom: S*Heads, Over Thinkers and Dollz. Well, you said you welcomed the challenge, Thurm.
A word about methodology: The overall rank is an average of each team’s three overall grades; ties were broken by the highest rating each team earned. Individual grades given to position groups are courtesy (!) of FootballGuys, as are the “In Summary” hot takes. (And the takes were set to “extra spicy,” and quoted pretty much verbatim. I swear.) FantasyPros identified the Top-3 players on rosters; bear in mind that six of them are kickers and/or D/ST.
Draft Grades 2026
| Rank | Team | 2025 Rank | In summary… | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| ESPN | |||||||
| 1 | Pain Train | 9 | Best Grades: WR Starters & RB Depth = A+ Worst Grades: RB Starters = F Playoff Chances: 84% FP, 64% ESPN, 54% FG “Your overall team grade of A- reflects strong starters and bench depth, but don’t get too comfortable: Your RB group looks like a graveyard of broken dreams and rookie prayers, threatening to derail your postseason ambitions.” — FG |
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| 2 | Commodes | 12 | Best Grades: RB Starters, RB Depth & TE Starter = A+, QB Starter & Kicker = A- Worst Grades: QB Depth & TE Depth = F Playoff Chances: 85% FP, 66% ESPN, 59% FG “This team strutted out of the draft with an overall A- grade, which sounds impressive until you realize it’s mostly propped up by a RB room that’s basically a fantasy fortress. The lack of bench depth at QB and TE is a cry for help.” — FG |
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| 3 | Hounds | 7 | Best Grades: RB Starters & Depth, WR Depth = A+ Worst Grades: WR Starters & TE Depth = F Playoff Chances: 79% FP, 58% FG, 57% ESPN “Your RBs are flexing like they bench press the competition, earning an A+ that’s almost too good to be true. Your overall grade is A- but don’t get too comfy: your WR corps is built on hope and duct tape.” –FG |
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| 4 | Buckguys | 2 | Best Grades: WR Starters & RB Depth = A+ QB Starter & TE Starters = A- Worst Grades: WR Depth = D+ Playoff Chances: 91% FP, 64% ESPN, 53% FG “Your team’s starting lineup shines bright [with] top-end starters [but] your bench is thinner than toilet paper.” — FG |
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| 5 | Juice | 4 | Best Grades: WR Starters, Defense & RB Depth = A+ Worst Grades: RB Starters, WR Depth & TE Depth = F Playoff Chances: 63% ESPN, 58% FP, 52% FG “Your team’s strengths lean heavily on a WR corps that’s firing on all cylinders, while your RB starters look like they got lost on the way to the draft room and ended up in a Chip Kelly playbook nightmare.” — FG |
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| 6 | Bama Men | 13 | Best Grades: WR Starters & Depth = A+ Worst Grades: RB Starters & RB Depth = F Playoff Chances: 79% FP, 59% ESPN, 49% FG “You’ve got a WR corps that’s basically the fantasy equivalent of a Michelin-starred meal, but your RB room looks like it was raided by the ghost of Trent Richardson’s career.” — FG, with the ‘Bama reference! |
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| 7 | Fartz | 11 | Best Grades: WR Starters & WR Depth = A+ RB Depth & Kicker = A- Worst Grades: TE Depth = F Playoff Chances: 58% ESPN, 51% FG, 44% FP “Fartz somehow managed a respectable B+ overall grade in a league that demands precision and depth, with a squad equal parts glaring strengths and glaring weaknesses.” — FG |
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| 8 | Hurt Locker | 5 | Best Grades: RB Starters & Kicker = A- Worst Grades: TE Starters & RB Depth = C Playoff Chances: 66% ESPN, 63% FP, 41% FG “Your ‘Bargain Hunter’ approach shows up in your mix of safe floors and sneaky value picks. Overall, though, your roster construction feels kinda shaky.” — FG |
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| 9 | Stooges | 14 | Best Grades: WR Depth & TE Depth = A+ QB Starter & Kicker = A Worst Grades: RB Depth = F Playoff Chances: 78% FP, 57% ESPN, 45% FG “Solid but not spectacular: you’re not exactly lighting the world on fire. You’ve got a quarterback room that’s more reliable than a Swiss watch, but your running back corps looks like it’s been through a blender and left for dead.” — FG |
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| 10 | Heavy Flight | 10 | Best Grades: TE Starters & WR Depth = A+, RB Depth = A- Worst Grades: TE Depth = F Playoff Chances: 55% ESPN, 48% FG, 28% FP “Your overall grade of B is respectable, but don’t get too cozy — this team is a Jenga tower of solid starters and bench brilliance, yet with some glaring holes that could blow it all up faster than a Mark Sanchez butt fumble.” — FG |
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| 11 | The U | 6 | Best Grades: RB Starters & Depth = A+, TE Depth = A- Worst Grades: WR Depth = D+ Playoff Chances: 52% FP, 52% ESPN, 43% FG “Your team shows flashes of competence, but it’s more like a Jenga tower waiting to collapse than a championship contender. Your RB corps is the only thing that doesn’t scream “Adam Gase’s Jets” level dysfunction.” — FG |
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| 12 | S*Heads | 8 | Best Grades: RB Starters & Defense = A+ WR Depth = A, QB Starter = A- Worst Grades: WR Starters & RB Depth = F Playoff Chances: 52% ESPN, 44% FG, 16% FP “You’re not exactly cruising to a championship but also not staring down the barrel of a 2008 Lions disaster. Your draft is a curious mix of solid starters and thin bench depth.” — FG |
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| 13 | OverThinkers | 3 | Best Grades: RB Starters & WR Depth = A+, TE Starter = A Worst Grades: RB Depth & WR Starters = F Playoff chances: 39% ESPN, 31% FG, 18% FP “This draft is a classic case of ‘safe and sound’ but with a twist of ‘why bother?’ The RB group flexes an A+ muscle, but the rest of the roster looks like it’s been cobbled together from the fantasy scrap heap. Sorry, but yikes! ” — FG. |
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| 14 | Dollz | 1 | Best Grades: QB Starter & WR Depth = A+, Defense = A Worst Grades: RB Depth = F Playoff Chances: 48% ESPN, 40% FG, 27% FP “The team’s strengths and weaknesses are a mixed bag, with a QB room that’s basically a carnival funhouse—lots of mirrors, no real substance—yet somehow graded A-. Meanwhile, your WR starters are limping in with a D+, but the bench is flexing an A+ like it’s compensating for something.” — FG |
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Scottie delivers the #1 Pick for Buckguys
He’s no sure thing anymore — the St. Jude’s title is “only” his second win this year on tour — but Scottie Scheffler came through for Doug when it really mattered this weekend, winning the Buckguys the first pick in our 2026 draft. So which Buckeye will he take? JSN? Carnell Tate? Quinshon Judkins? We’ll have to wait and see…
Buck and nine other ‘Gangers are locked into their draft position now, but there’s a tie for the 7th spot and the 12th spot. There were FIVE tiebreakers! How did this happen? Anyway, we’ll get it resolved shortly.
UPDATE AUG 17: I got the okay to flip a coin to break the tie for 7 between Bill and Max, and the tie for 12 between Jim and Kurt. MAX is the 7 seed, and KURT is the 12 seed. Rather than clutter the homepage with videos of the two coin flips, I’ve parked them here.
| Draft | Team | Golfer | Rd 1 | Rd 2 | Rd 3 | Rd 4 | Par | Total | Eagles | Birdies | Bogeys | Doubles | |
| 1 | Buckguys | Scottie Scheffler | 1 | 68 | 61 | 68 | 66 | – 17 | 263 | 23 | 6 | ||
| 2 | OverThinkers | Si Woo Kim | 7 | 70 | 68 | 65 | 68 | – 9 | 271 | 1 | 14 | 5 | 1 |
| 3 | Juice | Sam Burns | 8 | 67 | 70 | 62 | 73 | – 8 | 272 | 18 | 6 | 2 | |
| 4 | Commodes | Alex Noren | 46 | 71 | 66 | 66 | 69 | – 8 | 272 | 15 | 7 | ||
| 5 | Alabama Men | Sungjae Im | 53 | 66 | 66 | 67 | 74 | – 7 | 273 | 19 | 12 | ||
| Alabama Men | Wyndham Clark | 4 | 69 | 66 | 70 | 68 | – 7 | 273 | 18 | 9 | 1 | ||
| Commodes | Xander Schauffele | 11 | 67 | 72 | 68 | 67 | – 6 | 274 | 1 | 15 | 9 | 1 | |
| 6 | Hounds | Tommy Fleetwood | 9 | 66 | 68 | 68 | 72 | – 6 | 274 | 1 | 13 | 9 | |
| Hounds | Hideki Matsuyama | 20 | 66 | 70 | 67 | 71 | – 6 | 274 | 18 | 10 | 1 | ||
| 7 | Pain Train | Ludvig Aberg | 10 | 68 | 65 | 74 | 67 | – 6 | 274 | 17 | 7 | 2 | |
| 8 | Fartz | Jake Knapp | 40 | 65 | 70 | 67 | 72 | – 6 | 274 | 17 | 7 | 2 | |
| 9 | Hurt Locker | Kurt Kitayama | 33 | 65 | 73 | 66 | 71 | – 5 | 275 | 2 | 16 | 9 | 3 |
| 10 | Three Stooges | Patrick Cantlay | 42 | 69 | 66 | 70 | 70 | – 5 | 275 | 2 | 15 | 12 | 1 |
| 11 | The U | Tom Kim | 26 | 69 | 72 | 63 | 71 | – 5 | 275 | 21 | 13 | ||
| Buckguys | Adam Scott | 29 | 66 | 70 | 69 | 70 | – 5 | 275 | 17 | 10 | 1 | ||
| 12 | S*Heads | Bud Cauley | 34 | 66 | 72 | 70 | 67 | – 5 | 275 | 16 | 9 | 1 | |
| 13 | Heavy Flight | Nico Echavarria | 41 | 68 | 66 | 71 | 70 | – 5 | 275 | 16 | 9 | 1 | |
| 14 | Dollz | Matt Fitzpatrick | 2 | 70 | 67 | 69 | 69 | – 5 | 275 | 15 | 6 | 2 | |
| The tie for 7th spot between Fartz and Pain Train was awarded to Pain Train via coin flip. | |||||||||||||
| The tie for 12th spot between Heavy Flight and S*Heads was awarded to S*Heads via coin flip. | |||||||||||||
Day 3 dawned with Buckguys atop the standings, thanks to Scottie Scheffler’s 61 in the second round. As the sun sets on Day 3, Doug still claims the top pick in the draft, but defending champ Alabama Men (and Sungjae Im) have drawn a stroke closer. And look who’s in the third spot: our ol’ pal Juice, whose Sam Burns nearly equalled Scottie’s second-round 61 with his 62 in the third. Juice had been in the 9-hole with Keith Mitchell after two rounds, but wisely decided to give Mr Burns the Saturday slot.
Other movers: Hounds up to 4 from 5; Fartz up to 5 from 10; Thinkers up to 6 from 14; Commodes up to 7 from 13, and Hurt Locker up to 9 from 11. S*Heads drop from 3 to 10; Stooges drop from 8 to 11; Flight drops from 6 to 13, and Pain Train drops from 4 to 14. The U stays at 8 but ditches Jordan Spieth for Tom Kim, and Dollz stay at 12 after swapping Gary Woodland for JT Poston.
| Draft | Team | Golfer | Rd 1 | Rd 2 | Rd 3 | Rd 4 | Par | Total | Eagles | Birdies | Bogeys | Doubles | |
| 1 | Buckguys | Scottie Scheffler | 1 | 68 | 61 | 68 | – 13 | 197 | 18 | 5 | |||
| 2 | Alabama Men | Sungjae Im | 53 | 66 | 66 | 67 | -11 | 199 | 18 | 7 | |||
| 3 | Juice | Sam Burns | 8 | 67 | 70 | 62 | -11 | 199 | 15 | 2 | 1 | ||
| 4 | Hounds | Tommy Fleetwood | 9 | 66 | 68 | 68 | – 8 | 202 | 1 | 9 | 3 | ||
| 5 | Fartz | Jake Knapp | 40 | 65 | 70 | 67 | – 8 | 202 | 14 | 4 | 1 | ||
| 6 | OverThinkers | Si Woo Kim | 7 | 70 | 68 | 65 | – 7 | 203 | 1 | 12 | 5 | 1 | |
| Hounds | Hideki Matsuyama | 20 | 66 | 70 | 67 | – 7 | 203 | 15 | 8 | ||||
| 7 | Commodes | Alex Noren | 46 | 71 | 66 | 66 | – 7 | 203 | 11 | 4 | |||
| 8 | The U | Tom Kim | 26 | 69 | 72 | 63 | – 6 | 204 | 1 | 17 | 9 | ||
| 9 | Hurt Locker | Kurt Kitayama | 33 | 65 | 73 | 66 | – 6 | 204 | 1 | 13 | 7 | 1 | |
| 10 | S*Heads | Victor Hovland | 23 | 68 | 64 | 72 | – 6 | 204 | 15 | 5 | 2 | ||
| 11 | Three Stooges | Patrick Cantlay | 42 | 69 | 66 | 70 | – 5 | 205 | 2 | 12 | 9 | 1 | |
| 12 | Dollz | JT Poston | 30 | 71 | 68 | 66 | – 5 | 205 | 1 | 14 | 7 | 2 | |
| Alabama Men | Wyndham Clark | 4 | 69 | 66 | 70 | – 5 | 205 | 14 | 7 | 1 | |||
| Buckguys | Adam Scott | 29 | 66 | 70 | 69 | – 5 | 205 | 13 | 6 | 1 | |||
| 13 | Heavy Flight | Nico Echavarria | 41 | 68 | 66 | 71 | – 5 | 205 | 13 | 8 | |||
| Hurt Locker | Chris Gotterup | 5 | 66 | 70 | 69 | – 5 | 205 | 12 | 7 | ||||
| The U | Jordan Spieth | 54 | 65 | 69 | 72 | – 4 | 206 | 11 | 7 | ||||
| Dollz | Matt Fitzpatrick | 2 | 70 | 67 | 69 | – 4 | 206 | 10 | 4 | 1 | |||
| Buckguys | Pierceson Coody | 56 | 71 | 66 | 70 | – 3 | 207 | 2 | 11 | 7 | 1 | ||
| Commodes | Xander Schauffele | 11 | 67 | 72 | 68 | – 3 | 207 | 1 | 10 | 7 | 1 | ||
| OverThinkers | Maverick McNealy | 50 | 68 | 70 | 69 | – 3 | 207 | 1 | 5 | 2 | 1 | ||
| 14 | Pain Train | Ludvig Aberg | 10 | 68 | 65 | 74 | – 3 | 207 | 13 | 6 | 2 |
| Draft | Team | Golfer | Rd 1 | Rd 2 | Rd 3 | Rd 4 | Par | Total | Eagles | Birdies | Bogeys | Doubles | |
| 1 | Buckguys | Scottie Scheffler | 1 | 68 | 61 | – 11 | 129 | 14 | 3 | ||||
| 2 | Alabama Men | Sungjae Im | 53 | 66 | 66 | – 8 | 132 | 13 | 5 | ||||
| 3 | S*Heads | Victor Hovland | 23 | 68 | 64 | – 8 | 132 | 11 | 1 | 1 | |||
| 4 | Pain Train | Ludvig Aberg | 10 | 68 | 65 | – 7 | 133 | 11 | 2 | 1 | |||
| 5 | Hounds | Tommy Fleetwood | 9 | 66 | 68 | – 6 | 134 | 1 | 5 | 1 | |||
| 6 | Heavy Flight | Nico Echavarria | 41 | 68 | 66 | – 6 | 134 | 10 | 4 | ||||
| 7 | The U | Jordan Spieth | 54 | 65 | 69 | – 6 | 134 | 9 | 3 | ||||
| 8 | Three Stooges | Patrick Cantlay | 42 | 69 | 66 | – 5 | 135 | 2 | 8 | 7 | |||
| The U | Yellamaraju | 57 | 70 | 65 | – 5 | 135 | 2 | 5 | 2 | 1 | |||
| Alabama Men | Wyndham Clark | 4 | 69 | 66 | – 5 | 135 | 12 | 5 | 1 | ||||
| 9 | Juice | Keith Mitchell | 49 | 69 | 66 | – 5 | 135 | 11 | 2 | 2 | |||
| 10 | Fartz | Jake Knapp | 40 | 65 | 70 | – 5 | 135 | 9 | 4 | ||||
| Hounds | Hideki Matsuyama | 20 | 66 | 70 | – 4 | 136 | 10 | 6 | |||||
| 11 | Hurt Locker | Chris Gotterup | 5 | 66 | 70 | – 4 | 136 | 9 | 5 | ||||
| Buckguys | Adam Scott | 29 | 66 | 70 | – 4 | 136 | 8 | 4 | |||||
| Alabama Men | Alex Smalley | 25 | 68 | 68 | – 4 | 136 | 7 | 3 | |||||
| Buckguys | Pierceson Coody | 56 | 71 | 66 | – 3 | 137 | 2 | 9 | 5 | 1 | |||
| 12 | Dollz | Gary Woodland | 27 | 66 | 71 | – 3 | 137 | 8 | 5 | ||||
| Juice | Sam Burns | 8 | 67 | 70 | – 3 | 137 | 7 | 2 | 1 | ||||
| Dollz | Matt Fitzpatrick | 2 | 70 | 67 | – 3 | 137 | 7 | 2 | 1 | ||||
| 13 | Commodes | Alex Noren | 46 | 71 | 66 | – 3 | 137 | 6 | 3 | ||||
| Commodes | Justin Thomas | 39 | 70 | 67 | – 3 | 137 | 6 | 3 | |||||
| The U | Cam Young | 3 | 69 | 69 | – 2 | 138 | 1 | 8 | 6 | 1 | |||
| Hurt Locker | Kurt Kitayama | 33 | 65 | 73 | – 2 | 138 | 1 | 8 | 6 | 1 | |||
| Fartz | Lee Min Woo | 17 | 67 | 71 | – 2 | 138 | 1 | 7 | 5 | 1 | |||
| 14 | OverThinkers | Si Woo Kim | 7 | 70 | 68 | – 2 | 138 | 1 | 5 | 3 | 1 |