It’s a pretty remarkable run that Pain Train is on: 10 straight playoff appearances; 12 playoff appearances in 14 years; back-to-back Finals appearances, and now: his second James Gang Championship.

Pain Train rumbled past S*Heads 92-77 in the Final, capping a 7-7 regular season and a three-game sweep in the playoffs.

This second ring elevates Max into a pretty select club. He’s the sixth current Ganger (since 2004) to now flash multiple bling, joining triple-titlist Dean and double-dippers Greg, Jim, Kurt and Thurm.

He’s now also one of just four Gangers whose playoff appearances are also in the double-digits. Dean again leads the pack with 14 appearances in the 18 seasons since 2004. Andy and Thurm have now made 13 playoffs, and Max has made 12. (Rounding out the Top Five, with nine appearances each, are Jim and Jose.)

He’s also been pretty good once he gets there. Max’s win in the first round this year was his sixth quarterfinal victory (against six losses). Andy and Thurm both have nine wins in 13 first-round games, and Dean has nine wins in 14 first-rounders. Max is next with six, as noted, followed by Greg with five (in seven games), and then Jim, Kurt, Jose and Tom with four.

In the semifinals, too, Max now takes his place among the elite. Kurt is undefeated in the semis with four wins in four tries. Dean, Max and Thurm all have four semi wins as well, and Andy and Greg have three.

And in the Finals, as noted above, Max is now bunched with Greg, Jim, Kurt and Thurm with two championship game wins each, and are all still chasing Dean, with three Finals wins.

So tell him what he’s won already, Johnny. Will do.

Here are this year’s FINAL PAYOUTS (updated Feb 14):

And in case you’re wondering how the rest of us stack up to the winner’s circles mentioned above, here is league history 2004-2021.

Top Five Most Regular-Season Wins, Total, 2004 – ’21

Team	Seasons	Total Wins
Juice	18	141
Andy	18	135
Thurm	18	130
Jim	18	131
Jose	16	116

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Top 5 Best Winning Percentages, 2004 – ’21

Team	Seasons	Winning %
Juice	18	.590
Haydn	2	.581
Andy	18	.565
Greg	11	.565
Jim	18	.548

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Top Five Most Winning Seasons (.500+), Total, 2004 – ’21

Team	Seasons	Winning Seasons
Juice	18	13
Andy	18	12
Thurm	18	11
Jose	16	10
Jeff	18	10
Jim	18	10

This is how it’s supposed to go, right? No, not that S*Heads make the playoffs, but that S*Heads make the playoffs because The U’s Rams defense gets two sacks in the final minute of the last game of our regular season to beat Hurt Locker, which opens up the spot that Kurt then grabs. How are you not entertained? (Unless you’re Greg.)

Also great: No-one backed into their good fortune this weekend. There was a lot in play: the Best Record Bonus, the Apollo Division title, the Mayor Jeni Division runner-up position, and ultimately the final Wild Card spot. And how’d that go?

• Dollz won to claim the Best Record at 11-3. With a loss, Thurm would’ve shared the Bonus with the Hounds and Katy’s Brother.
• Katy’s Brother won to claim the Apollo title, besting Haydn by a game.
• Juice broke a three-way tie for the Mayor Jeni runner-up spot with his win over Pain.
• And S*Heads won, as mentioned, to grab a Wild Card spot. S*Heads, along with Hurt and OverThinkers, needed a win to make a playoff spot possible, and only Kurt got the W.

Check out the Playoff Bracket here and the final Division Standings here and the Bonus Standings here.

And here’s the Payout Grid as of the end of the regular season:

With one regular-season game left, three Gangers have locked up a playoff spot and seven others are alive for the remaining five slots. Here’s what’s up:

• Blowup Dollz are Mayor Division Champs and are in.
  • Dollz are the #1 Seed with a win over Haydn’s Hounds and a loss by Katy’s Brother to Campton. Dollz would also claim the Best Record Bonus in that scenario at 11-3; Hounds and Katy would be 9-5.
  • Should Hounds beat Dollz and Katy’s Bro lose, Hounds and Dollz would tie for the #1 Seed with 10-4 records. Tiebreaker is total points scored, where Dollz currently are +33 on Hounds. Top scorer then is #1 Seed, runner-up is #2 Seed, Katy’s Bro is #3 Seed.
  • Should Hounds beat Dollz and Katy’s Bro win, then Hounds, Dollz and Katy would tie for the #1 Seed with 10-4 records. Tiebreaker is total points scored, where Katy is currently +17 on Dollz and +50 on Hounds. Top scorer is #1 Seed, runner-up is #2 Seed, third-most is #3 Seed.
• Katy’s Brother leads the Apollo Division, can finish no worse than second, and is in.
  • Katy’s Bro is tied for the top division spot with Haydn’s Hounds at 9-4 overall, but currently sits in the Champ’s seat based on his 5-1 division record vs Hound’s 4-2 division record.
  • Should Katy’s Bro beat Campton this week, he would be Apollo Division Champ and Hounds would be Apollo runner-up regardless of Hounds’ result vs Dollz.
  • Should Katy’s Bro lose to Campton and Hounds beats Dollz, then Hounds are Division Champ and Katy’s Bro is runner-up.
  • Should Katy’s Bro lose to Campton and Hounds lose to Dollz, then Katy’s Bro is Division Champ and Hounds are runner-up.
• Haydn’s Hounds sit second in the Apollo Division, can finish no worse than second, and are in.
  • Hounds are tied for the top division spot with Katy’s Bro at 9-4 overall, but currently sit second based on his 4-2 division record vs Katy Bro’s 5-1 division record.
  • Should Hounds beat Dollz and Katy’s Bro beat Campton this week, Katy’s Bro would be Apollo Division Champ and Hounds would be Apollo runner-up.
  • Should Hounds win and Katy’s Bro lose, then Hounds are Division Champ and Katy’s Bro is runner-up.
  • Should Hounds lose and Katy’s Bro wins, then Katy’s Bro is Division Champ and Hounds are runner-up.
  • Should Hounds lose and Katy’s Bro lose, then Katy’s Bro is Division Champ and Hounds are runner-up.

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Let’s take a look now at the Mayor Division runner-up spot, the last remaining automatic playoff spot. Three teams are tied for this spot with identical 7-6 / 3-3 records. Using the points scored tiebreaker, Atlanta Juice (1433 points) currently occupies the runner-up spot followed by Buckguys (1343) and Campton (1333). Can we agree that Juice’s 90-point lead almost certainly breaks all ties?

• Juice faces Pain Train, Buckguys face Bama Men, and Campton faces Katy’s Bro in Week 14. All three games are not divisional; the best overall record will determine the division runner-up.
  • In the event that all three teams win, each is 8-6 and points scored determines the division runner-up. The other two teams go to the Wild Card pool, where their 8-6 records guarantees them a spot as either the #5 Seed or the #6 Seed. (Points scored also determines their seeding here.)
  • If all three lose, each is 7-7 and points scored determines the division runner-up. The other two teams go to the Wild Card pool, where there might be as many as three other 7-7 teams waiting for them. (Those could be Hurt Locker, S*Heads and OverThinker.) Pain Train, having beaten Juice in this scenario, would be the #5 Seed at 8-6; the points scored tiebreaker would be used to seed the remaining three Wild Card spots.
  • If two of the three win, points scored by those two determines the division runner-up. The “losing” 8-6 team goes to the Wild Card, where it would be either the #5 Seed or #6 Seed.
  • If just one wins, that team is the division runner-up and the other two, at 7-7, go to the wild card.

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Now let’s consider the other four potential Wild Card teams.

• Pain Train (7-6) faces Juice
• Hurt Locker (6-7) faces The U
• S*Heads (6-7) face Fartz
• OverThinker (6-7) faces Heavy Flight
  
• Pain Train
  • A Pain Train win earns him a wild card spot and a #5 or #6 Seed. Max would be one of at most two 8-6 Wild Card teams, and points scored would determine the seeding. Pain trails the other two potential 8-6 teams: Buckguys have 1343, Campton 1333, Pain 1268. (A Pain win means a Juice loss and a 7-7 record for Dean.) A Pain Train loss throws him into a potential 7-7 blob in the wild card pool.
• Hurt Locker, S*Heads and OverThinker
  • Each team is 6-7 and with a win would be among the potential 7-7 blob in the wild card pool. A loss here and a 6-8 record would make it really difficult to advance.

Week 12 Update

There’s a new Sheriff in town… and he’s kinda glam.

Katy’s Brother wins and The Dollz lose this past week, and what do you know? We’ve got a new #1 Seed. Both teams are 9-3 and atop their own Division, and both have clinched a Division playoff spot. But Chris’s guys have scored 1296 points so far while Thurm’s have racked up 1256, and that tiebreaker earns him the top spot.

The Bros field six Top 11 guys (seven, if Aaron Jones gets back on the field this week) and are led by Pats kicker Nick Folk. Well, maybe not led. But he is the #1 kicker and he did put up 21 points this past week. Can you say the same about your kicker?

Week 11 Update

Week 11 was the Week of the Underdog, and because of it the division standings, projected playoff seedings, and Wild Card rankings are (yet again) all scrambled up. Even the Bonuses saw an upstart take over, as the Hounds used 72 points from Davante Adams, Mike Williams and Keenan Allen to catapult past Pops into the WR Bonus top spot. (Bonus Rankings will post shortly.)

The ‘dogs who won this past week are:

• Campton (6-5) dealt division leader Dollz (9-2) their first loss since Week 1, breaking Thurm’s winning streak at nine. It’s the second-longest winning streak in ‘Ganger history, behind just Andy’s 11 in a row in 2004.
• Buckguys (5-6) beat division leader Katy’s Brother (8-3) and jumped back into the playoff seeding, thanks to the points scored tiebreaker.
• S*Heads (5-6) crushed OverThinker (5-6) by 60. Thankfully, it’s not the biggest beatdown of the season. S*Heads buried Bama Men by 63 in Week 9.
• Speaking of the 5-6 Bama Men, Hurt Locker (4-7) beat Tom’s guys this week. Greg’s now won two of his past three and trails the 5-6 blob in the Wild Card pool by just one game.
• The U (3-8) also won by 60 this week, blowing out Heavy Flight (3-8). Jose got incredible production from the top five spots in the lineup, including season-bests from Rodgers (35) and Ekeler (41) and near-bests from Mixon (24) and Aiyuk (21). In related news, three other teams (Thinkers, Heavy, Men) didn’t have ONE guy go for 20 between them this week. Not that we’re bitter or anything.

Week 10 Update

PS to Max, Andy, Chris and Haydn: Yes, this is how we all dressed in the ’70s.

Heading into MNF, facing a 25-point deficit, the Fartz took to the emails to bemoan his fate. He had a QB going up against a kicker, but his confidence level was low. He all but conceded, some seven hours before kickoff.

Ever gracious (!), Thurm accepted Bill’s overture. And then it got interesting. He added, “…and ‘The U’ crushed UCLA this weekend 44-24. All in all a pretty good weekend.” He embedded a photo of himself, his son (Hi Haydn!), and a woman whom I assume is his daughter, huddling happily in the stands at Rice-Eccles Stadium.

“You had to add insult to injury by not only mentioning, but attending the UCLA drubbing,” Bill replied, adding a couple red-faced anger emojis. Thurm feigned innocence in his own reply — “for some reason I always thought U were a Duck” — but as anyone who’s stalked Bill on LinkedIn all these years can tell you, Fartz is a Bruins fan. Not a big enough fan to pick them in the JamesGang Hoops bracket this past Spring, but, still a fan.

Is this a penalty? The NFL has made the taunting rule a point of emphasis this season, as we hear every Sunday (and Thursday and Monday…). But is it taunting? Or is Thurm just talkin’ that talk? Because he’s certainly walkin’ that walk.

The Dollz are now 7-1, the best record in the league. Dollz lead the Mayor Jeni Division by 3 games, and currently own the #1 seed in the projected playoffs. He’s also on a seven-game winning streak, a mark shared with three other Gangers. Only four teams since 2004 have won more in a row:

Top Five Winning Streaks
Team	Streak	Year
Hungry Possums (Andy)	11	2004
Straight Outta Campton Hills	9	2017
OverThinkers	9	2010
Heavier Than Air Flight	8	2013
It’s All About The U	8	2006
Atlanta Juice	7	2019
Atlanta Juice	7	2015
Blowup Dollz	7	2021
Hurt Locker	7	2015
Straight Outta Campton Hills	7	2020
Atlanta Juice	6	2010
Atlanta Juice	6	2017
Blowup Dollz	6	2017
Floorburners Ain’t Phelan (Jim)	6	2012
Hurt Locker	6	2014
It’s All About The U	6	2016
It’s All About The U	6	2014
Straight Outta Campton Hills	6	2017
Think with your Vick (Andy)	6	2010

So what does a 7-1 start get you, anyway? Thurm is the fourth current Ganger to begin a season at least 7-1. Here’s what happened to the previous three:

• Andy started the 2004 season 11-1. He won the first 11 (see above), lost, then won the final regular season game to finish 12-1 and win his division. We played two-week playoff rounds in those days, and he lost in the first round to Juice, who then lost in the title game.
• Andy also started 11-1 in 2017. He lost his final regular season game to finish 11-2 and win his division. He then averaged 132 points a game in the playoffs to clinch his first Title.
• Dean started the 2007 season 7-1, finishing 11-1 atop the standings (no divisions that year). In another two-week playoff round format, he beat Andy in the first round and then vanquished Dollz in the Final. It was Juice’s second championship in as many years. He remains the lone Ganger to go back-to-back.
• Dean also started 7-1 in 2015. He finished 10-3 and won his division, then fell in the semifinals to Max, who went on to win his first Title.
• Dean started 7-1 in 2019, too. He finished 10-3 that year as well, and lost in the first round of the playoffs to Jim.
• Greg also started 7-1 in 2019. He finished 9-4 and won his division, then advanced to the Final after beating Bill in the first round and Thinkers in the semis. In the Title game, he lost to Dollz.
  

It looks like 7-1 pretty much guarantees you a playoff spot. And maybe more: two of those six teams claimed a championship. Not bad odds.

For years, Dollz have scored their points on the ground. In his 2009 title season, Ricky Williams and Matt Forte ran wild for Thurm; ten years later, he got another ring with Christian McCaffrey and Aaron Jones. Along the way there was also the Saint Mark Ingram, the Jaguar Leo Fournette, Brian Westbrook, Michael Turner and Larry Johnson, among many others.

Not surprisingly, those Dollz ground-and-pound offenses often earned Thurm the Best RB Bonus. Six seasons, in fact, Scott has pocketed the RB Bonus: 2005, 2006, 2008, 2015, 2017 and 2019. Eight times in the other 11 years, Dollz has finished in the RB Bonus top five. Only Max, last year, has played more RB points in a season than Thurm, and Pain’s 818 eclipsed the runner-up (Jim) by 155 whereas Scott’s 743 in 2019 was 258 better than runner-up Juice.

Also not a shock? The Dollz have, um, struggled in the WR Bonus rankings. Remember those six RB Bonus wins? In five of those same seasons, Dollz finished last in the WR Bonus rankings. (And in the sixth of those seasons, he finished 13th, or second-to-last.) He also finished last in 2012 (when he was runner-up in the RB Bonus), and finished in the WR Bonus bottom five another five times.

It should be noted that another James Gang Old Head — indeed, the James Gang S*Head himself — has also finished last in the WR Bonus rankings six times. Kurt’s disdain for the air attack has also resulted in another four WR Bonus bottom five finishes. In turn, he’s also won two RB Bonuses, finished in the RB Bonus top five another six times, and is currently atop the 2021 RB Bonus standings. (And at the bottom of the WR Bonus standings.)

So you know where this is going, right? In almost any other year, we’d be looking at the usual suspects at the top of the WR Bonus table: Jim, who’s won four WR Bonuses; or Greg, who’s won three WR Bonuses, or Jose, who’s also won three. But six weeks into 2021, they’re not there. Haydn leads, Andy is second, and look who’s in third. Yep. It’s the Thurmanator.

Since using a 3 RB/1 WR lineup in a week one loss, Thurm has gone 2/2 twice and 1/3 three times. He’s won every game, and in weeks two and three he was league high-scorer. (His 66 in week one, by the way, is currently the league-low game score.) Cooper Kupp is for sure Thurm’s co-pilot (that’s him in the cockpit, in case you were wondering): he’s WR 1 with three games of 30+ and three two-TD games. But he’s also rolls out Mike Evans (WR 15) and, now, Robert Woods (WR23). Also, he used to have Mike Williams (WR4), before trading him for Woods (and Gronk).

Who else is rostering potent WR combos?

• Andy (4-2) has WR2 Tyreek Hill, WR13 Antonio Brown and, after today’s trade, WR14 DeAndre Hopkins
• Chris (4-2) has WR5 Ja’Marr Chase and WR8 Justin Jefferson
• Haydn (4-2) has WR3 Davante Adams, WR4 Mike Williams and WR22 Keenan Allen
• Max (4-2) has WR11 Adam Thielen and WR12 DK Metcalf
• Tom (4-2) has WR10 DJ Moore, WR19 Courtland Sutton and WR20 Amari Cooper
• Bill (2-4) has Brandin Cooks and Terry McLaurin, tied at WR17
• Jim (1-5) has WR7 Deebo Samuel and WR16 Stefon Diggs

High-flyers all. But none propelling their team quite as high, at the moment, as the 5-1 Dollz.

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These first six weeks of the regular season have pitted Apollo teams vs Mayor Jeni teams. Who won? Let’s go to the tape.

Division	Wins	Losses	.Pct	.500+ Teams	Points Scored	Avg. Pts	100+ Games
Apollo	24	18	.571	6	4553	108.4	32
Mayor	18	24	.429	4	4482	106.7	24